Love Isn’t All You Need (Here’s Why)

We’ve all heard the phrase “love conquers all.” It comes from the widely-held belief that only love is necessary for a healthy, happy relationship. Of course, the quote is partially correct. Individuals surrounded by love often lead better and happier lives, and love is important in relationships, especially romantic ones. Is love all you need,…

How to Handle Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome ideas, images, or impulses that enter your mind unexpectedly. They come out of nowhere and can be disturbing, violent, and highly distressing. They may be about something terrible or violent, sexual or profane, or even self-harming. Intrusive thoughts can feel like a betrayal of what we value most in life: our…

Dealing with PTSD in Relationships

Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, can be hard to deal with in a relationship. It can be stressful at any time, but the closeness and vulnerability that come with being in a relationship can add to that. It can also cause issues with trust, closeness, and communication. This is especially true if your PTSD is…

Love Bombing & Oxytocin Addiction

Love bombing is a term widely used within the context of a romantic relationship. It’s essentially a form of manipulation that attempts to artificially create intimacy. When someone love bombs you, it means they lavish you with intense affection, attention, and praise in an attempt to win your trust and affection early in the relationship….

Manage Your Emotions With This Simple Tool

Last week I published a post called “3 Tips to Help You Cope With PTSD” in which I listed three distress tolerance tools: Wise Mind, Name Your Emotions, and Radical Acceptance. Today I’d like to focus a little more on Name Your Emotions. Naming emotions is a very useful and helpful exercise. It allows you…

So It Goes.

Last week I saw Robert B. Weide’s incredible documentary Kurt Vonnegut: Unstuck in Time. It brought me back to my twenties when I voraciously read 13 Vonnegut books back to back. He is utterly brilliant. When I heard that he had died in 2007, I remember saying, “How is the sun still shining or world…

5 Tips to Heal Generational Trauma

When we think of trauma, we think of something that happens in the present. Perhaps someone witnesses a murder or is the victim of a home invasion. Or perhaps someone grows up with an alcoholic parent or has experienced sexual violence. However, there’s also something called “generational trauma” that can cause just as much damage…

Childhood Shame Can Affect Adult Relationships

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? That no matter what you do, you can’t please anyone? If so, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. But where do these feelings come from? Maybe you were always the ‘bad’ kid in school. Maybe you were never good enough…

Surviving Trauma from Sexual Violence

When you’ve been sexually assaulted, it feels as though your world has been turned upside down. Everything you know and believe has been shattered. The person who violated your body and mind now occupies a space inside your head that you can never get rid of. You try to push the memories away, but they…

Responsible Community Response

In August 2012, I published a post on my former O. M. Grey blog, “Caught in the Cogs,” that outlines how to respond to an accusation of sexual violence so as not to further traumatize the victim. It contains examples of what to say and what not to say. The things I wrote and experienced…